Tuesday, 7 December 2010

You are the bumbling tourist (1)

You are cycling to the funeral/ commemoration festival for the deceased Queen Mother of the Kwahu Tribe. You and your wife are happily tootling along on a flat stretch of uncharacteristically good road, enjoying the dawn chorus and the phenomenal views across to the surrounding hills. Suddenly she accelerates at breakneck speed, screaming like a maniac and shouting RAKE!! RAKE!! RAKE!! When you eventually catch her up, she is crying her eyes out. What do you say to her?

Answer: This is a time for a calm head. Take a soft line and ask what is up. It turns out, as correctly guessed by one reader, that she is claiming a large black snake was lying a few inches from her pedal as she cycled past. However, having not seen it yourself, immediately issue a yellow for play acting, but bear in mind it is also best this early in the day to keep the flair players motivated. Stop play, allow medical attention to be administered on the sidelines (groundnut paste sandwich and energy drink), and wave play on.


  1. Red card. Wife should have known that this garden implement, although dangerous, has a non-lethal bite and was probably more scared of her than she was of it.

  2. Clearly the wife thought there was a cattle grid round the corner and was using the tried and tested distraction technique to throw you off the scent while she sprinted off to glory. As for the distraction itself, 10/10 for the performance, tears and everything, that is Oscar stuff.

  3. A cattle grid! Of course Michael!
    Very sneaky Lucy, well done.

    BTW: top marks to the person seemingly carrying a whole tree on top of their head in the above picture.

    Andy & Lucy , we will expect demonstrations of this upon your return.


  4. Distractionary manouevres are permissible under the current rules of Individual Pursuit. Chris Hoy used the tactic to good effect at the last World Championships by shouting Bran Flakes slogans at his opponent in a stilted and uncomfortable manner. Result stands.